FUTURAMA: Does This Look Like the Face of Evil?
by Tharpdevenport
Summary: Now with more spam! In this story Fry heads out to find some excitment. A trip to the head museum brings more than he could possibly bargin for. A head best left locked away.....
1. Default Chapter

FUTURAMA: "Does This Look Like The Face OF Evil?"  
  
Chapter 1: "Any Other Day..."  
  
Everyone sits around the apartment doing nothing.  
  
The door to another room slides up and in walks a restless Fry. He looks at them all.  
  
"I'm board. I need something to do. Come one you guys, let's go do something fun."  
  
"You can help me look through these Doctor Phil Medical Encyclopedias to help me find out what I have. My skin is wrinkled, "I have trouble pooping and my libido is as limp as a Terrellian snail," says the Professor.  
  
"Professor, those aren't symptoms - you're just getting old."  
  
The Professor throws the book he is holding at Fry's head.  
  
"I know that damnit, but I want to look through them anyway in case I have something I didn't know I had."  
  
"Osteoporosis..." comments Fry.  
  
"I heard that!" he throws another book at him.  
  
"You can help me," says Amy.  
  
"All right ... ah, what are you doing?"  
  
I'm labeling all the labels. These are for the refrigerator and these are for the medical syringes."  
  
Fry rubs his head, "Ah ... no thanks. Leela! How about you? You must want to do something."  
  
"Gee, I don't know Fry. If I don't clip these toenails I may end up having to do it later. And you know how I feel about procrastination."  
  
"Okay, we can do something later," says Fry.  
  
"I order you to go do what ever it is you were going to do."  
  
"Have fun?"  
  
"Exactly. I order you to have fun," orders Leela.  
  
"What is it with you people? Doesn't anybody in the future have fun?" he asks.  
  
"Doctor Zoidberg has fun," says Doctor Zoidberg.  
  
"Don't any of you just want to go out and experience life? Live it to the fullest?"  
  
"I do. I like to live life. I'm a life liver," Zoidberg tries again.  
  
"I don't know, I've experienced life before. It wasn't that great if you ask me," comments Leela.  
  
"Amy?" asks Fry.  
  
"I'd like to, but the labels."  
  
"Professor?" Fry keeps trying.  
  
"Oh my no, I've already experienced a decade and a half of life. No more for me thank you. Cold, shakes ... The Plague! I knew I had something!"  
  
Amy walks over and injects him with a syringe.  
  
"Awww ... now how will I make people feel sorry for me?"  
  
"Where's Bender?" asks Fry.  
  
"He's out buying more alcohol," answers Leela.  
  
"Fine. I don't need any of you to have fun. If that's the way you're all going to be, then I'll leave you to your research books, labels and toenails."  
  
"Bye," says Leela.  
  
Fry leans in quickly to Leela and says, "Please come with me."  
  
"Haaayah!" and she thrusts the toenail clipper out, squeezing the handle repeatedly. He cringes in fear.  
  
Fry walks outside the Robot Tower Housing Complex. Se sees a phone booth and opens it.  
  
"Pft - who needs them. I can have fun all by myself. I do it all the time! Points Of Interest ... hummm .... the head museum! Oh snap! I can see Conan O'Brian's head. Old Tekwar Avenue. I wonder how far that is," he looks out and asks someone passing by, "hey, can you tell me how far Old Tekwar Avenue is?"  
  
"About five clicks that way," the person responds.  
  
"Oh, cool, clicks. Just like on Star Trek. How far is a click anyway?"  
  
"0.62, nearly a mile."  
  
Fry drops the phone book.  
  
Fry enters the museum. The entrance in lights up with a force field. An automated computer voice speaks.  
  
Hello and welcome to the New York Museum of heads. How are you today?"  
  
"I'm doing fine, thanks," replies Fry.  
  
"Entrance into the museum is free of charge."  
  
"Okie dookie."  
  
"Donations are generously accepted."  
  
"Well, gosh, I forgot my wallet today."  
  
"No problem. Donations are an at will gift."  
  
"Maybe next ti..." ZAP! His hair stands on end and the force field goes off.  
  
"Have a nice visit."  
  
Fry walks past rows of shelves with glass jars and heads. he sees a door marked:  
  
"Head Repair Room - Authorized Employees Only"  
  
"Hey - I wonder what's in there," he opens the door. An old lady with two glass jars containing Lewis Black and Colin Quinn sit at the table top work bench.  
  
"this area is for designated employees only," she says.  
  
"Cool. What's wrong with these two?" Fry asks.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with these people?!" says Black.  
  
"And so I'm driving along in this taxi in New York and the Cabbie turns to me and says..." Quinn talks.  
  
"They aren't funny anymore. I think they're broken," says the old lady.  
  
"Oh, these two? Nah. They're not broken. They were never funny," he walks out of the room.  
  
  
  
She picks the head jars up and tosses them up into a dumpster. You can hear the jars shatter.  
  
Fry peaks back into the room entrance.  
  
"Can you tell me which way it is to Conan O'Brian's head?"  
  
"The 20th Century comedian, or the 22nd Century Antichrist?"  
  
"The comedian."  
  
"I'm pretty sure it's the third floor. You might want to use the Digital Catalogue Filing System to make sure."  
  
Fry walks down a long circular hall past rows of heads. Cobwebs line the ceiling and he jumps when he hears a noise. He turns around to see nothing.  
  
"Whew. Just my imagination," he turns back around and continues slowly through the darkness. A giant three foot, three eyed spider crawls across the ceiling, stops, blinks it's three eyes and scurries along.  
  
Suddenly a light comes on and there is a floating head in it straight in front of Fry.  
  
It speaks, "In the year 2,000 ... in the year 2,000!!!"  
  
Another flash light comes on.  
  
"Stop it Labamba. For the last time, it's 3,003. That bit stopped being funny over 900 years ago."  
  
"Oh neat - Conan O'Brian! I used to watch your show all the time! Hey, how come your jar is so much bigger than everyone elses?"  
  
"Gee, thanks kid. If you must know it's because of my freakishly large Irish head. Are you happy now? Now that I've explained to you about my big Irish noodle? Please, no pity applause."  
  
"No," replies Fry.  
  
"Well, you shouldn't be. What did you want anyway?" asks Conan.  
  
"I just wanted to see you guys. Where's Max?"  
  
"Ow, poor Max. Things just weren't the same after that freak cantaloup accident."  
  
"What about Andy Richter?"  
  
"Who? Oh, you mean Judas. He's over there on his TV show display case."  
  
Fry looks over at the case after Conan nods his head.  
  
"Andy Richter Controls The Universe? I never saw that show. where are all your fellow cast mates?"  
  
"There's supposed to be others?" asks Andy.  
  
"So, is my head all you thought it would be and more?" asks Conan.  
  
"If you mean by girth, yeah. Say, what's down that hall?" Fry inquires. At the end is a door.  
  
"Famous body parts."  
  
"Cool! Like what?"  
  
"Pamela Anderson's breasts, Tommy Lee's Penis and Melosavitch's forehead among others," replies Conan.  
  
"I can't believe they kept her breasts. Who would have thought silicon lasted that long? What else?"  
  
"Well," says Conan, "they do have a pair of Bullet Proof Legs..."  
  
"Eh ... what's behind that door?" asks Fry.  
  
He points to a lone door with warning stickers al over it, a "Do not Cross" line and black and yellow slanted lines painted all around it.  
  
Conan starts, "They say pure madness lurks behind that door. And that anyone who should open it will unleash insanity upon the land..."  
  
"Oh, cool," and Fry opens the door.  
  
"No! Don't! Ah! Labamba! Click the light on and off!" orders Conan.  
  
Labamba does so. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: "The Idiot And His Odessy"  
  
Fry enters a low lite room with a mist in the air. A head jar lie under a black cloth.  
  
He thinks twice about uncovering the head, "Hummm ... should I really doom the entire world to insanity just to satisfy my curiosity? Well, it's not like they can blame me; they'll all be insane. What the hell."  
  
He pulls the sheet off.  
  
"Oh my god!" Psycho music sounds, "It's hideous. Wait - where's the face? Oh yeah, it's facing backwards," he turns the jar around.  
  
There, floating in fluid, is the head of Homer Simpson.  
  
He reads the name plate, "Homer J. Simpson. Gee, I can't see what all the fuss was about. It's just your average bald head."  
  
"D'Oh! For the last time - I am not bald. Just follicly challenged. Who the hell are you?" asks Homer.  
  
"I'm Fry. So, why'd they put you in here?"  
  
"I ... don't remember ... yes. That's it."  
  
"Don't you have any family, or loved ones that could take care of you?"  
  
"Pt - I wish. They all laughed at me when I spent are Christmas bonus on head storage. Laughed I tell you! Ha! But the jokes on them, I don't see any of THEIR heads here. Especially the boys'..."  
  
"How long have you been in here?"  
  
"Ewe ... I don't know! they feed me fish food and make me watch PBS. PBS! You've got to help me! If you get me out of here I'll, I'll give you anything you want! Name it! Anything that you want, I can get. You wouldn't happen to know where Ned Flanders' house is?"  
  
"Ned Flanders? Hey, I remember him - from this history book I read a couple weeks ago. Wasn't he the Pope, or something?"  
  
"Figures. You got to get me out of here!" pleas Homer.  
  
"I don't know ... stealing a head is a felony. What would you do if I did?"  
  
"I would NOT set off the silent alarm."  
  
"Ah, crud."  
  
Fry walks down the steps of the museum, holding Homer's head jar.  
  
"Oh my god!" shouts Homer.  
  
"I know - the future is a different place. New York is underground and infested with mutants, human beings regularly travel to distant galaxies and have made contact with several alien species. And plus there's lots of robots."  
  
"A Dunkin' Dunuts! Ewww, ewww! Can we go there? Huh? Can we?"  
  
"I don't' know..." says Fry.  
  
"Oooohhh ... doughnuts..." he makes sounds of hunger and drools.  
  
Fry comes walking out of the shop with Homer's head jar in one hand and a carrying case of doughnuts in the other. Fry looks a little perturbed.  
  
"I don't know how you're gonna eat all these anyway. You don't even have a body. And you better not be expecting me to clean the bottom of your jar. No way."  
  
"Oh, let's go see a movie! Is McBain's head starring in anything new?"  
  
"I'm all tapped out. The doughnuts costed 32.50. And you still have not explained to me exactly how you're gonna eat them," says Fry.  
  
"Relax nerdo. Just crumble them into little pieces and sprinkle them into the water," replies Homer.  
  
"Oh, okay," he does so.  
  
"Eh, eh! They're floating on the top! Awww!"  
  
They'll sink eventually," says Fry.  
  
"Oh, but I want to be unhealthy now."  
  
  
  
The door slides open up to Bender's spare closet. Everyone is still doing nothing.  
  
"Hey you guys, you'll never guess what!" Fry exclaims.  
  
"You brought us doughnut confections?" answers Leela.  
  
"Pisss, no! Don't be silly. That's for the head I stole from the museum!"  
  
"Huh!" replies Leela.  
  
"You stole a head?" asks Amy.  
  
"Hummm, what's up with the head anyway?" the Professor chimes in late.  
  
"Fry, stealing is wrong. I used to be a Police Officer. I know these things," comments Leela.  
  
"Check it out - I think he's stupider than me."  
  
"Hey!" says Homer.  
  
"He looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it," the Professor pounders.  
  
"Everyone, this is Homer J. Simpson. Homer, this is everyone. I'll introduce. That's Leela. She's an alien and the only one of her kind."  
  
"Homer gives a playful growl like that he used to give to Marge, "Hey baby, I've been single for a millennium. Wanna try a blast from the past?"  
  
"No thanks. I don't screw perverts. Besides, you don't have a penis anymore."  
  
"I don't?!" Homer looks down and back up, "D'Oh!"  
  
"That's Doctor Zoidberg. He's from another planet too," Fry continues.  
  
"A pleasure to meet you fine sir! I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about," says Zoidberg.  
  
"You wish. The only conversation we'll be having is whether you go with Tartar sauce, Red Lobster," replies Homer.  
  
"Owww..." an unhappy Zoidberg moans.  
  
Fry continues, "That's Amy Wong."  
  
"Hi!" says Amy.  
  
"If that's Wong, then I don't want to be right!" says Homer.  
  
Leela folds her arms and says, "Thanks Fry for bringing back a thousand years of male chauvinistic sexual harassment."  
  
"I'm not sure what all those words meant, but you're welcome," Fry replies in a friendly tone.  
  
Amy folds her arms as well.  
  
"Over there's Scruffy. He cleans the place."  
  
"Scruffy performs manual labor," responds Scruffy.  
  
"And this is Professor Huebert Farnsworth. He owns Planet Express and we all work for him."  
  
"So tell me, what's it like to be an AWAL head?" asks the Professor.  
  
"Professor huh? What have you invented?" asks Homer.  
  
"Among other things, the Smell-O-Scope. And just recently this hand held laser for removing warts from you back and..."  
  
"Boring! Let's go to Moe's and ... ow! There is no more Moe's! I can't drink, I can't have sex and no one I know is alive anymore. The future sucks."  
  
The door opens and in walks Bender.  
  
The Professor speaks up, "Aw, cheer up. At least you haven't succumbed to sudden head death syndrome."  
  
"What?!" Homer asks nervously.  
  
"Oh, nothing," replies the Professor.  
  
"Hey all. What'cha got there?" asks Bender.  
  
"It's a head I stole from the museum," answers Fry.  
  
"Way to go Fry! It's really ugly though," Bender pulls out a beer, takes a swirl and burps fire.  
  
"Beer! Must have beer!" says Homer.  
  
"Sorry, I only brought enough for me. Man, hasn't anyone told you about me yet?"  
  
"Hey! You're a robot!" exclaims Homer with excitement.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do that thing! From Lost In Space! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"  
  
"Bite my shinny futuristic metal ass."  
  
"Well, as my kid used to say, 'Eat my shorts!'"  
  
"Huh! You sir are as rude and uncouth as I. You wanna go hover cruising for broads?" asks Bender.  
  
"Do I!" says Homer.  
  
"No! Bad head! We have to lay low for a while," says Fry.  
  
"Owww. Can't I at least have something to drink?"  
  
"I guess so, what do you want?" asks Fry.  
  
"Do they still make Duff Beer?"  
  
"No," answers Bender.  
  
"Agh! Son of a..."  
  
The sound of Bender opening another beer can covers Homer's obscenity.  
  
"But I did steal some a couple years back." he rummages through his chest, pulls out a bottle of Duff and shuts the chest plate door, "It's over a thousand years old. Not even I'm sure if it's safe to drink. Well, bottoms up," he opens it and pours some into Homer's tank.  
  
"Bender, no! We should at least get him a straw," Leela goes into the kitchen.  
  
"So, why did you freeze your noodle anyway?" asks Bender.  
  
"The year was 2025. President O'Reilly was in officer, the borders were tight and rap music was dead. All was peaceful until one day ... ow! A bendy straw!"  
  
Leela puts a neon orange flexible straw in the beer, then places the can on a pile of AOL 1009.0 disc cases next to Homer's jar and puts the straw down into the water for him to drink.  
  
"Aaahhh ... expired beer ... where was I?"  
  
"You left of at one day," says Leela.  
  
"Oh yeah. Until one day the Earth was visited by beings from another planet. The Rygillians. Big ugly green aliens with tentacles and one eye. No offense," he says to Leela.  
  
"None taken Fabio."  
  
"Cool. So, what were they like?" asks Fry.  
  
"Well, at first I thought they'd be like ALF. Fury and friendly and willing to solve out animal control problems. Or maybe even a cute E.T. wanting to phone home and run around carelessly naked. But we were all wrong."  
  
"Now I remember. I knew there was something about that date," recalls the Professor, "2025 was the year space faring vessels from another world destroyed most of out civilization. We tried to rebuild, but they came back again. What remains is underground and is now infested by ugly, mutated pondscum not worthy to lick the heel of my space boots. No offense Leela."  
  
"I'm going to let that one slip, but only cause I know you're crazy," says Leela.  
  
"It's called space dementia damnit!" the Professor angrily replies.  
  
"What set them off Professor?" asks Fry.  
  
"I can't recall. Last time I read up on the subject was in college and all books and footage pertaining to the manner, locked up in a volt, sealed in an underground layer and covered in antimatter land mines. Plus a nasty little warning sign. Damned sign."  
  
"All this talk is making me hungry. What do you have to eat around here anyway?" asks Homer.  
  
The Professor responds, "Partially dehydrated soup, partially dehydrated Gerber baby food, partially dehydrated dehydrate and I think there's still some left over Soylent Green."  
  
"Don't you know, Soylent Green is people?" asks Homer.  
  
"Yes, but how else are we going to solve over crowding?" replies the Professor.  
  
"Hummm, interesting point," says Homer.  
  
"So, where do you want to eat? We got Taco Bell, Pizzizel Hut, we even have a Star Bucks. Though a cup of coffee is 30.00 a cup," replies Fry.  
  
"Krusty Burger!" exclaims Homer.  
  
"A what?" says the Professor.  
  
"It's that run down dump on Estrada Avenue," replies Bender.  
  
"Okay, I guess we could go there."  
  
"Woo hoo! Burp!" Homer's lips ripple as he belches. 


	3. Chapter 3 of 4

Chapter 3: "Hungry Are The Doomed"  
  
The door to the room Homer's head had been in opens. A light comes on.  
  
"My god! It is gone!" exclaims a man.  
  
"I told you," says the old lady.  
  
"Who would do such a thing?! To release such unspeakably twisted evil upon the Earth and to forever doom a civilization! Do you think Dairy Queen accepts third party digital checks?"  
  
"Beats me."  
  
"Oh well, I guess I can call. You know, we should really put a lock on this," and he turns the light off and closes the door while whistling "What A beautiful Day".  
  
Fry and Homer walk down a street.  
  
"So, how does it feel to have your head in a jar anyway?" asks Fry.  
  
"Oddly comforting. Thought I sometimes have this urge to scream out in horror. How long is this going to take? I'm hungry now. Can't we take a taxi, or something?"  
  
"Well, it is another mile to the restaurant. I guess we could hail a cab..."  
  
"That's the spirit. Ow, ow! Over there!" Homer nods.  
  
"I got it," Fry starts running with Homer in hand. Composer Christopher Tyng does a piece reminiscent of Mission: Impossible.  
  
"Looks like that guy is going to get the cab," says Fry.  
  
"Not if I can help! Do exactly as I say," they run up and Fry listens to Homer talk.  
  
"Excuse me sir, can I have that cab?" asks Fry.  
  
"Gee, let me think ... no," replies the guy.  
  
"You got to! It's an emergency! I need to rush this donor head to the emergency room stat, or else!"  
  
"We all have our problems," the guy climbs into the cab.  
  
"Look! It's that green girl from Star Trek!" yells Homer.  
  
"Where?!" says the guy. He turns to look.  
  
Fry squeezes behind him and pushes the guy away. He lands on his butt.  
  
"So long, looossser!" calls out Homer.  
  
They both laugh at the guy.  
  
"Estrada Avenue please," Fry taps the side of the cab with his hand. the cab doesn't move. They stop laughing as the guy gets up. Fry taps his hand again. The guy rolls up his sleeves and makes fists.  
  
"Agh!!!" cries Homer.  
  
"Hey! Estrada Avenue please!"  
  
The cabbie puts down a Playboy and says, "Oh, sorry," he starts it and they take off.  
  
"Whew! That was close. Did you always live life so excitingly?" asks Fry.  
  
"You mean with total disregard for personal safety and respect for others?"  
  
"Yep," says Fry.  
  
"All the time!"  
  
The cab stops and lowers down.  
  
"That'll be 17.50," says the cabbie.  
  
"17.50?! But we only flew a mile! We will not pay. I say good day to you sir. Pick me up?"  
  
"Oh," and Fry picks the jar up.  
  
The cabbie pulls out a laser pistol.  
  
"I must insist please."  
  
"Ut-oh," says Fry.  
  
"Ut-oh? What do you mean ut-oh?" asks Homer.  
  
"I don't have enough for the cab and Krusty Burger."  
  
"Tih ... owww. Damnit! Ah, ah ... look! Carmen Elektra's head!"  
  
"Huh?!" says the cabbie.  
  
"Where?!" exclaims Fry.  
  
"Run!" calls out Homer.  
  
"Oh, right," he bolts with Homer in hand.  
  
The cabbie looks out his window and says, "I still don't see her. Let me look again for I am sure you are not lying to me ... nope. Are you absolutely sure it was miss Elektra?"  
  
Fry stops running. They have reached Krusty Burger.  
  
"Yes! In your face!" shouts Homer.  
  
"That was so exciting! My friends rarely ever do anything that fantastic. Well, maybe those times we ran from Santa, or the time some alien tried to take my wiener, or the time..."  
  
"Less talk, more food."  
  
They enter the restaurant.  
  
"Hey! Hey! Welcome to Krusty Burger!"  
  
"Huh! Krusty's head! Krusty! Remember me?!" says Homer.  
  
"Sorry buddy."  
  
"We lived in Springfield together! You had a TV show and my kid saved your life and career countless times!"  
  
"Yeah, I'm grateful. Keep moving no-legs."  
  
As soon as Fry and Homer are gone, an assistant standing next to the stand Krusty's head jar is on takes out a pack of cigarettes. She whacks the bottom in her hand, pulls out a loose one, lights it and sticks it in a small porthole on the bottom of the jar and above the name plaque. A couple of tubes lead form it and are embedded in Krusty's neck skin.  
  
"Aaahhhggg..." he exclaims as he takes a drag. Bubbles of air rise out of his mouth and pop in puffs of smoke at the surface of the jar's water.  
  
After a couple minutes in line, they are first to order. A 40th century equivalent of the teenaged nerd seen in The Simpsons, mans the register.  
  
"Welcome to Krusty Burger. May I take your order please?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll have five Krusty Burgers with extra meat, ketchup, pickles, one of those onion rings thingys and a diet coke," replies Homer.  
  
"Gee, I don't know. What are today's specials?" asks Fry.  
  
"What?!" exclaims the surprised employee.  
  
"Homer lets out a grunt, "Nobody asks about the specials. He'll have what I'm having."  
  
"All right. I have ten Krusty Burger specialties, two packs of onion rings and two diet cokes. Will that be all?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Yes," Homer cuts Fry off.  
  
"Your total is 28.69."  
  
"Here," Fry hands him some money. The employee runs the dollar through like a credit card and when he hands it back, the dollar denomination has changed.  
  
"Your order will be ready in about ten minutes. Thank you."  
  
They walk off.  
  
"Diane, make one of those water resistant!"  
  
Fry sits down on a levitating seat cushion. It lowers with his weight a tad. He sets Homer's head jar on a head jar booster seat across the table.  
  
"Neat," Fry spins in the hovering seat.  
  
Jets of cleanser spray across their table and then robotic bending arms pop out from under. One has a rag and wipes the table. The other a squeegee. They go back under when done.  
  
"Cool. Hey, check this out," Fry spits on the table and the whole process starts over.  
  
The back door to the kitchen in the restaurant slides open with a "Star Trek" like sound.  
  
"You're late," says the manager.  
  
The guy that just came in and hung his coat turns around. It is the man they screwed over on the taxi.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," he walks to the front to clock in and sees Homer and Fry. He speaks aloud, lowly, "Oh yes ... didn't anyone ever tell you? Revenge is a Krusty dish best served cold ... that may also possibly contain echoli," he walks over to the food preparation area.  
  
"Here, I'll take over. Go take your brake"  
  
"Thanks," says the employee.  
  
  
  
The Professor walks into the room.  
  
"Bad news everyone. I just remembered what that head Fry is carrying around did!"  
  
"Is it bad Professor?" asks Leela.  
  
"Extraordinarily so. Back in 2025 Earth made contact for the first time with the alien species known as Rygillians. Though records are hard to come by from the time, since they were mostly wiped out, I recall reading very clearly that this Homer J. Simpson fellow greatly insulted their race in a wild series of events that colminated in him relieving himself on their planets symbol of strength and peace - their flag. For that they raged a terrible was upon are land. And they struck again at a later date. This man is single handedly responsible for the fourth World War!"  
  
"Huh!" Leela and Amy both exclaim at the same time.  
  
"A man after my own heart," says Bender.  
  
"Scruffy's feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotion," Scruffy walks off.  
  
"Does anyone want some tea?" asks the Professor.  
  
Leela stands up, "We got to go warn him!"  
  
The guy at the restaurant takes a small tube from his pants and laces Fry's food.  
  
"Hey, can you take this over to table six?" asks the guy.  
  
"Sure thing," says the employee he asked. The guy puts it on a tray and hands it to the employee. The employee walks to their table. He sets it down, "here you go. Enjoy your meal."  
  
"Thanks," says Fry. He picks the hamburger up and brings it to his lips and stops, "Gosh, you know I've never eaten a Krusty Burger before? First time for everything I guess," he moves the food to his mouth again and stops, "is it any good? I don't want to eat it if it's not. Here goes nothing," he is about to take a bite when he stops yet again and says, "hey, do you think we should save some for..."  
  
"Oh, will you just eat it already?" says an inpatient Homer.  
  
"No problemo," he takes a bite. "Ummm, this is delicious. I could eat two, or three of these things," he proceeds to gobble it up. He sees the guy from the cab. The guy is grinning evilly and rubbing his hands together in anticipation.  
  
"Hey, isn't that that guy we took the cab from?" asks Fry.  
  
"How should I know?" Homer goes back to bobbing for hamburger bits.  
  
Fry takes another bite and chews slowly. The guy's eye's widen with excitement. The guy stares at Fry's burger. Fry looks at him, then the burger and then the guy again. He continues to eat. The guy is transfixed on the burger and jumping up and down.  
  
"I think he wants my hamburger," says Fry.  
  
"Pft - tough luck. Get your own pal!" yells Homer.  
  
Hermes walks into the Planet Express lounge.  
  
"Hey everyone. I thought we could all ... damnit!"  
  
  
  
The professor's Planet Express ship lands in the middle of the road on it's struts. The door opens and the steps jut out to the ground. They all come running down the steps. The Professor walks out slowly.  
  
"You forgot to lock the doors damnit! Everyone's in such a hurry these days."  
  
Leela comes running in and exclaims, "Fry!"  
  
"Hey Leela," he replies.  
  
"Are you all right?" she asks.  
  
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
"The Professor remembered what your pet head did."  
  
"Owww..." says a worried Homer.  
  
"What?" asks Fry.  
  
"he was single handedly responsible for wiping out most of the human race! He started World War 4!!!"  
  
"Get out of here! This is some kind of joke right? Alan Font is going to appear and tell me I'm on TV right?"  
  
"This is no joke," answers Leela.  
  
"Actually, it is kind of funny. In a perverse inhuman way," says Bender.  
  
"Pft - It's like a bad credit rating - it follows me no matter where I go. All I did was have mass genocide thrust upon the human race. A lot of them deserved it anyway. Come on! It's not that bad! I only did it once!" persuades homer.  
  
"Twice actually," says the Professor.  
  
"Quiet old man," Homer says in a familiar way.  
  
"Gosh, he seems so friendly," responds Fry.  
  
"The bad ones always do," says Leela.  
  
Customers clear out of the restaurant.  
  
"Aw! Come on! he's only talking about dead people! IT happened over 900 years ago! No refunds..." Krusty trails off.  
  
"We contacted museum officials and they agreed to not press charges as long as we return the head," says Leela.  
  
"Can we finish eating first? Today may be his last day as a free head," asks Fry.  
  
"I guess so. Everyone, I guess we're gonna..." she turns around. The Professor is asleep and Amy and Bender are ordering in line.  
  
"You want a Krusty Burger? I saved one just for you."  
  
"That's so sweet. Thank you Fry, but I don't eat take out food until I have screened it for germs. I always use caution after watching Dateline NDBC," she pulls out a small hand held scanning device and a blue laser light shines over the burger. "Huh!!! Fry! Stop eating that hamburger! It has Mad Cow Disease!!!"  
  
"Really? What about this one?" he points to another wrapped one.  
  
"They're all tainted!"  
  
"Raspberries," he starts acting strange. He starts making 'Moo' sounds and crawling on all fours.  
  
"Quickly! We got to get him to the ship so we can administer the antidote! Bender! Get the head!" orders Leela. Amy and Leela then put Fry's arms on their shoulders and walk him over to the ship.  
  
  
  
The Professor wakes up and looks around, "Huh?"  
  
"I guess it won't be that bad. I can make MOOney at the Garry Larson museum."  
  
"This mutated string can be permanent if not reversed soon," says Leela.  
  
"What's the worse that could happen?" asks Fry.  
  
"You could turn into a cow!" exclaims Leela.  
  
"Comfy in there?" Bender opens his stomach plate to say to Homer.  
  
"Ewe - it smells like something died in here!" says Homer.  
  
"Not something - some things..."  
  
Fry breaks free and starts roaming around.  
  
"You hold him down, I'll go get the antidote," Amy says. She runs up the ships steps.  
  
"I hope you're happy. Because of you my friend may become a pasture roaming bovine," comment Leela to Homer.  
  
"Well, there is always a downside. But remember - the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. No pun intended. Heh, heh."  
  
"It would probably be better if you shut up now," threatens Leela.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Amy comes running down with both hands full of syringes.  
  
"We go a problem!" she calls out.  
  
"What is it?" asks Leela.  
  
"We never labeled the syringes. I don't know which one is the cure!"  
  
"Son of a gon..." says Fry.  
  
"Bender! Can you run some kind of test to determine which is which?" asks Leela.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Here," Amy hands then to Leela and she hands then to him.  
  
"Enie, menie, minie mo, catch a robot by the toe. If he does not compute, then let him go. Enie, menie, minie mo. Oh, what the hell," and he stabs a needle into Fry's back.  
  
"Agh!" 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Untitled (Unless you can think of a name...)  
  
They all stand in front of the ship which is in front of the head museum.  
  
"On behalf of the head museum, we thank you for this heads expedient and safe return," says the old lady.  
  
"It was no problem. Fry," Leela elbows him, "don't you have something to say?"  
  
"Sorry I stole the head."  
  
"Apology accepted, with some hesitancy. Oh, and you are officially banned for six months."  
  
"Darn," says Fry.  
  
"Well, we better get going. We have a mission to take care of. Bye," says Leela to the museum people.  
  
They all say good-bye and wave to the museum lady and man.  
  
As the door shuts behind then and Leela takes the driver's seat, Fry speaks.  
  
"You know, he actually wasn't that bad a person. For all our differences, there were similarities. Can you imagine what it must feel like to be trapped in a water filled jar for all of eternity?"  
  
"Imagine? I'm retaining water right now!" exclaims the Professor.  
  
Fry tries to scratch the needle puncture mark as the ship takes off.  
  
"Some people weren't meant for this world Fry. Truly; we have seen evil and it's name was Homer Simpson," replies Leela.  
  
"Hummm..." Fry looks out the window at the museum as they travel away.....  
  
Composer Christopher Tyng does an errie recreation of a piece of music from the end of "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" by John Williams as Homer's head jar is lowered into a wooden box.  
  
The top is nailed shut and the box is placed on an antigravity load lift. You can hear Homer stuttering incomprehensible words in fear as he is lead off.  
  
Slowly the factory worker pushes it down an isle and the camera view moves back and widens as we see hundreds of other boxes.....  
  
-----FIN----- 


End file.
